A Too-Soon Loss
Many of you are aware that this summer has been a complete roller-coaster of emotion and activity for me. Within the past 90 days, I found out my birthfather died in a tragic accident shortly after my 2nd birthday, met my paternal birth-grandparents (and an uncle and a few aunts), and now, just a few short days ago, my birth-grandfather died of complications due to pneumonia.
It's both tragic and surreal. I feel like I'm walking in some sort of hazy dream or twilight zone. I am fortunate to have met him only 6 weeks prior to his death and that I did get to see him in the ICU before he died. I will attend the funeral. I don't know how to begin processing this loss--it's ridiculously complicated. I'm biological, but a relative stranger. I care for this family that I know very little about. I'm up and down. There is no guidebook for this, no precedent I can follow, and am forced to play everything by ear. I've sent a peace lily to my birth-grandmother, but as I was commenting to a friend, how strange is it that I am sending the plant, the condolence? In a normal family, when a close family member dies, you are the one who typically receives the cards/flowers. I didn't even know how to address the card, so I stuck with the safe "Porter Family" route. I'm at a loss and can't help feeling a little broken. I feel so fortunate to have had this experience, yet so turned upside down because of it.
It's both tragic and surreal. I feel like I'm walking in some sort of hazy dream or twilight zone. I am fortunate to have met him only 6 weeks prior to his death and that I did get to see him in the ICU before he died. I will attend the funeral. I don't know how to begin processing this loss--it's ridiculously complicated. I'm biological, but a relative stranger. I care for this family that I know very little about. I'm up and down. There is no guidebook for this, no precedent I can follow, and am forced to play everything by ear. I've sent a peace lily to my birth-grandmother, but as I was commenting to a friend, how strange is it that I am sending the plant, the condolence? In a normal family, when a close family member dies, you are the one who typically receives the cards/flowers. I didn't even know how to address the card, so I stuck with the safe "Porter Family" route. I'm at a loss and can't help feeling a little broken. I feel so fortunate to have had this experience, yet so turned upside down because of it.
At any rate, here is a photo of the only time my birth-grandfather, Raymond Porter Sr. and I were able to meet:
posted by Amanda Auchter at 11:35 AM
4 Comments:
Sounds like a tough situation, Amanda, let me know if you need anything.
And congrats on being a PS finalist, I've really enjoyed your work!
Peter
Amanda,
I'm so sorry to hear about your birth grandfather. But one thing I know about you is that your heart is big enough to handle anything.
My fingers are crossed for your ms, as well, and I hope your first semester is all you hoped it would be.
Traci B.
Sorry for your loss.
That sounds complicated and challenging. I'm wishing you all the best.
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